Monday through Saturday my alarm goes off, I pull myself out of bed and start the day by quilting for an hour. Then, I feed the kids, get the older two off to school - or get them started on chores - and each week I think I am going to be able to stick to my schedule and that everything will go according to plan, but there is always a catch.
This little guy, for the most part, would not nap this week. I have a quilting schedule to keep while he is napping, but he doesn't know that. He just needs me. I give him the time he needs, and I am grateful that I do, but in the back of my mind I know I have a quilt that is waiting to be finished. More like I am ready to be finished with it so I can move on to the next project. So, I plan a "catch up day" - today, where I completely ignore the kids and quilt all day long. Clint and I are both trying to get what we need to done and the kids were crazier than ever - I think they can feel it when we are a little stressed - so they make sure they are extra loud so we are sure to hear them.
I finished the background quilting today, and that was great - but I wanted to finish the whole quilt today. The hardest thing that I do is that I put crazy expectations on myself (and my family) when I think that I can just finish up a project on a Saturday. What I failed to realize was that there was no way I was going to finish this quilt today. There is just not enough time in the day - especially since the red thread is not wanting to cooperate - but I put this above the time I could have spent with my kids. So, I feel like I failed them today.
I think the hardest thing for me is to realize that it is okay to finish later than expected. Everyone who reads this blog knows that I take forever on my quilts. But, I find myself adding more and more to my "to do" list and when I don't get to all those things on my list I start to think I am failing and not reaching my goals. Truth is, I have accomplished a lot of my goals, the book being the biggest accomplishment so far - but when is it enough? If I allowed myself to care more about my goals than the needs of my family, then I would lose out on what is more important. Days like today are always a reminder, or a kick in the pants, that get me back on track. I am one lucky wife and mom who has a husband who is patient with me and kids who love me despite my weaknesses.
I have wanted to share a note that my daughter wrote to me a little over a month ago during one of my "Mommy moments." This note is one that I promised I would read to myself whenever I had a bad day. She wrote this note to me on a particularly bad day when Clint was in Romania and I was feeling like a lone ranger with a business to look over and 4 kids to keep track of.
"Dear Mom, I love you so much! You are the best mom in the whole university. When we are sad and mad at each other, it's okay. We just have to remember we are not perfect. And if we always remember we are not perfect and accidents happen we just got to remember we always make mistakes. And we just have to say prayers, that will give you a warm feeling inside. We love each other so much and with Dad gone it is tough and not easy with the boys. But it is okay, you are not the only adult here. Jessie is here and you are not alone, the family is here. I love my family, they are the best."
She is 7 and wiser than she even knows. I read this today and it made me feel better. I know that tomorrow is going to be a better day than today and I am so happy it is Sunday (no work, yay!) and I get to spend all day with my family.
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This was the sunset tonight, it was a reminder to me that everything happens in the Lord's time and not mine. Everything that I want to accomplish will happen eventually, but what is happening now is my family. So, I will be okay with only getting one or two quilts done a month - I don't need to get four done like I want to. It's my own fault that I am such a crazy, quilting detailed, perfectionist right?
Which brings me to one more thing - you have to see the new lines we have in the store. I am sure you have more time than I do right now to sew these up into some amazing quilts! I am loving PB&J right now!
Thank for listening, sometimes it just takes writing down how I feel to make life so much easier.